I continue to learn things about myself.

Sometimes I am shocked that I still learn things about myself. I still have moments where I realize why I do things. It seems like sometimes my brain makes decisions that im not aware of.

I have been telling Justin for a year that I want our family room and hallways painted. Lately it has really been bothering me. I know that I need to hire someone to do it because the ceiling is REALLY tall but the hallways connected I could totally do. Justin told me to the hallways.... I told him that I didnt want to. I have also been saying that I want to repaint our bedroom..... but then when he tell me to do it, I dont want to.

I LOVE painting. I love the feeling of getting up on my ladder and getting it done, of looking at a room and having it look completely different, of feeling accomplished!

The last thing I painted was my kitchen, on september 29th 2010.  If you follow my blog then you have read about that day a few times. That was the day we got the call that our IVF failed.

I was thinking about it today and I realized why I havent painted any of it. Its going to be hard to pick up that brush. Its tied to a horrible memory now. I feel like it will bring me back to that place. I know there will be tears but I think its time for me to pick the brush up and just get it over with.

I cant let infertility take everything from me.