infertility is...
Hushed conversations, secret struggles, gross misconceptions, ignorence.
The reality is much more than that. The reality is a group of people who fight a battle everyday for a glimpse of what seems to come so easily to everyone else. People who face heartbreak and fear and loss and unanswerable questions every single day. People who question every choice they make. People who wonder what they did to deserve this. People who willingly subject their bodies to tests and treatments and probes and medications... with no guarantee of their happily ever after.
Infertility is...
Getting excited when needles/syringes/medications arrive in the mail:
Having your veins look like this on a good day:
The reality is much more than that. The reality is a group of people who fight a battle everyday for a glimpse of what seems to come so easily to everyone else. People who face heartbreak and fear and loss and unanswerable questions every single day. People who question every choice they make. People who wonder what they did to deserve this. People who willingly subject their bodies to tests and treatments and probes and medications... with no guarantee of their happily ever after.
Infertility is...
Getting excited when needles/syringes/medications arrive in the mail:
Having your veins look like this on a good day:
Covering your stomach in patches that leave you bloated and your tummy covered in a residue that fights you to the death to come off:
Carting your cryopreserved potential future children between clincs:
Watching while two beautiful embryos are transferred into you:
...Only to be told a week later that your dream doesn't get to stay.
It's multiple injections daily that leave you with bumps and bruises in places that are not convenient to have bumps and bruises.
It's eyes so swollen from crying that you lie with ice packs in hopes of being presentable to the outside world.
It's being stripped of your privacy.
It's laughing at yourself for thinking that maybe, just maybe this is the month.
It's watching "it" happen for everyone else.
It's hoping you'll be "that couple" who was told it wouldn't happen but got knocked up once they stopped trying/went on vacation/stopped stressing/did thisthatortheother thing.
It's is also finding a strength in yourself that you never knew existed.
It's finding new meaning in words like patience... hope... faith...
It's discovering a new path.
It's learning that even in the darkest of days, you will be ok.
Infertility someone you know... your daughter, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, friend...
Infertility is me...
"Perhaps strength doesn't reside in having never been broken, but in the courage required to grow strong in the broken places..." Unknown
Beautifully written post. Miss hearing about Foster and hope all is well!
ReplyDeleteYou gave me goosebumps and tears. What a great post!
ReplyDeleteI love this post. It's beautifully written and so true.
ReplyDelete